I know Nikii Minaj is 95% silicone and 5% water, but that surgeon did a pretty good job, eh? Don’t you think so?
Of course, we’re not here to discuss Miss Haco industries brand ambassador. I got saved.I hope heaven hasn’t subscribed to this blog, coz otherwise am in deep trouble.Jesus if you read the first sentence, hope you’ll forgive me.
So as i was saying, niliokoka buana, so when the EABL releases their annual financial report, and they record a loss due to a dip in sales,just connect the dots. Although i doubt they’ll notice any change, i doubt the money they used to make from my drinking was even enough to buy a crate of milk in their office. If you have ever gone to a club and you spot a guy who has been sipping the same drink for three hours or more, that’s two football games or three depending on my mood, most probably it was me. Io talent inaitwa kunyonya chupa. It entails you taking two sips every 45 minutes.At times it would go to the extreme and force you to carry an empty beer bottle from home, say Guinness since its dark. Then unaieka maji, and do what Great men of honour do, pretend there’s something inside. Sasa shida ni ikue huko kwa io club hawauzi Guinness io day. Ole wako.
So yeah,niliokoka siku izi vako zangu ni macrusade nini nini, you know. No shiny suits from me though.And incase you were wondering, now that i am saved, i still think Bahati, yes him,size 8, jimmy gait and most of those bubble gum “gospel” artists bado wako inje kama hewa. Oh and also that guy who sang, “kama ni kachumbari, woi tulikula lala, kama ni kauji woi tulikunywa lala” What’s his name,willy willy paul. Whaaat?You think sasa ati Now that am saved, my opinion in music is any different???. Jesus washed away my sins,he did not update my playlist or preference to music.Atleast am sure the version of the Bible am reading does not say that you shall all of a sudden not fall asleep or fight the urge to burn you’re TV as soon as Willy Willy paul and co. comes on. Sa zingine me huangalia io TV yangu naskia kulia, nikikumbuka venye nilichoka nikiibeba, it’s the one that has a mgongo kubwa,(whaaat it was cheaper than the other ones). Also i don’t think He died so that some fellows can put on shinny skinny jeans can put a bunch of words together then in the chorus Throw in jina ya Yesu or God somewhere there and call them Gospel songs (My God i hope i don’t sound like Njoki Chege)
Lakini getting saved made me realise how much i used to curse. It’s now that am realising that without curse words, am actually a man of few words, literally. Yaani ikiwa watakua wanonesha a movie of my past life and wai censor i swear you’ll think it’s on mute.
If by any chance, we meet and an extremely thick mama passes by and i don’t turn to acknowledge her, you know the universal male signal of nodding while you survey her up and down, do not think that i am gay. I am straight, it’s just that there is a Verse(am not sure ni gani, sijafika io stage ya kujua verse zote za Bible of head) that says Sijui something about renewal of your mind and all.. something like that.That is hard in a way, coz it used to be my hobby.Niko na hobby mob sana.
Now the hardest thing I’ll have to adapt to, is fasting. I just hope we can have a custom made agreement with God, like all do everything He asks me to do, except fasting. I mean man, i heard of people saying they fasted for 21 days… 21 daaaays.. Mimi by day 2 nakufa tu aki.I love eating. I think eating is what makes the world go round, my world at least.
But it’s an amazing feeling, i love it. It was on my bucket list for a long time. I had promised myself that I’ll get saved on September 30th,two days after watching my favourite reggae artist Turbulence. He was performing again here for the second time and i love that man’s music to deeeeath, and i wasn’t going to miss it for the world. Watching turbulence was supposed to be my last official act of sin. And i was there with my three beers in my system, miraa keeping my teeth company and occuppied(to support the local economy, meru county to be precise, am sure someone in meru County bought a new pair of undies, undies not boxers, am sure that’s what they wear over there, because of me). I was there, me and 20 other attendees. I almost cried. Turbulence the future, Aka kongo bongo, nephasaulo, sells out arenas all over the world, heck he even sold out the first time he came here on May 3rd 2008,yes i still remember it of head. Yaani a willy willy paul concert had more people than Turbulence’s concert, these are the signs of the end of the world that Jesus almost mentioned.
Ati “kama ni kachumbari, woi tulikulala, kama ni kauji, woi tulikunywa lala”.. That is a gospel song that you’re supposed to listen to and decide to repay all your debts,go down on your knees and pray to You’re God and ask Him to come into your life.
I was to get saved two days later, until i heard that Morgan Heritage are also performing two weeks later. Ah i had to postpone it, God would surely understand buana. I mean the last time they performed on the easter of 2009 i was there, and I had been praying ever since for them together with Turbulence to come back again. And here my prayers are being answered, i had to attend. Let me tell you something, on behalf of all reggae lovers, i deeply apologise for that performance by Morgan, on there behalf, I’m sure they were either pressed or something of the sort. That performance was simply patheeeeetic. There was nothing else to miss, or keep me from my God, me i got saved three days later. okay i know it’s not that inspiring but i just thought that you should know that on judgement day you find me in heaven when you walk in, don’t think you’re in the wrong place ama ati I sneaked in.
Brother skinoo. I guess i should start adjusting my introduction line, from the normal “hi, am skinoo, pleasure to meet you” to the long ass intro, “Praise God, praise God again , I’m called skinoo, and today Jesus Christ is my Lord and saviour……. ” then i proceed to say some spiritual deep stuff and say” Amen?” after every 15 seconds and all.
So mlisema aje kuhusu Nikii Minaj??
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